It's Too Soon!

These last few months have seemed to be going by in a giant blur. I don’t know how it is suddenly one month until I fly back to the U.S. for good, but it is. It is really hard to explain where my head is right now. Part of me has to be looking ahead to what life is going to be like when I get back to D.C. This means registering for my grad school classes, trying to find a job, and generally trying to figure my life out. I thinsk some part of me realizes that some of this is too difficult to do from Africa, but the stubborn side of me is determined to try anyway. The other part of me that is not focused on a month from now, is trying really hard to be present in the now. This is proving to be very hard for many reasons. One reason is that as we prepare to leave we need to start pulling away. School has been out all month on break and so I have stopped teaching. Our schedule no longer has any consistency. So I guess in a way we have started to detach a bit- honestly I think I have to detach bit by bit, or it will only be that much harder to go.
As for what has been going on the last two month, well they have been both busy and fun. March… March at Akiba was a fun month. I got to introduce the younger children to some fun American Easter projects (seriously what is with all the eggs, chicks and bunnies?). They really enjoyed hearing about American Easter- be it very strange to them. I will admit that I much prefer the way they celebrate Easter- for what it is without the commercial adornments. The tutoring program at the school is well under way and I certainly learned a good lesson- you have to explain things more than once a lot here. I found myself having to re-train a lot of the tutors who were just providing the kids with answers to their homework. Life here can often be a lesson in patience. That behind us, the program is doing well. It is encouraging to see that these children are getting some much needed extra attention. Four of the boys I was tutoring last year have decided to give secondary school a try, and are adjusting really well. They continue to receive some extra help after school. Honestly, they were so excited to be allowed to continue in school and it shows in their hard work. I am really proud of them. I am working to try to get a special education program started (or at least thought of) at Akiba. Any new initiative is always hard to get started anywhere, but it is like 10 times harder here in Kenya. Add that to the fact that I am leaving here in a month, and I am realizing I may never see it fully come into fulfillment, but at least there is some ground work laid.
I have also gotten the pleasure of heading down to the orphanage about every two weeks J Over Easter they were able to rent cottages on south coast, thanks to a donation from TFC, and take the girls and the staff on a vacation. The place was beautiful and the girls spent about 90% of their days in the pool. What was even better was that the staff actually took time to rest- which they never do. It was fun for me to play with the girls all day- we made Easter baskets, and did an Easter egg hunt among other things. They, like the Akiba kids, enjoy American Easter traditions (what kid wouldn’t love getting candy?) but again the bunnies and chicks totally throw them for a loop.
April saw Akiba close for the month and also prize giving day. Prize giving day is basically the last day of school awards in American schools, but here they do it into the next school year. It is a huge celebration at Akiba. All of the parents come (who can) and the kids are bouncing off the walls with excitement. I was proud of the kids and a lot of the kids who got awards were kids who are on sponsorships from TFC. It is pretty great to know that these kids are excelling in school because someone helped their families by paying for their schooling- some of these kids would have never made it to school other wise.
Of course, I went back down to the orphanage J The girls were also off of school so we got to spend all day with them. One of the most fun things we did was have an ice cream party- sprinkles, candy, chocolate syrup- a total mess, but they girls LOVED it! After four days there Anne and I decided to go up the coast for a little R&R. We headed to Lamu- which is up the Kenyan coast closer to Somalia. We stayed on Shela beach which is possibly the quietest place I have ever been. The island has a lot of Arabic influence and there is some beautiful architecture. I spent a good amount of my vacation in a hammock with a book, but we did also get out of the guest house to do some fun stuff like snorkel (we saw a giant octopus- one of the freakier looking things I have seen in my life). It was the perfect vacation spot.
Well that is just about it for this month. I hope to be able to post again before I head back to the U.S. but it may or may not happen. We are headed up to the desert of Northern Kenya to visit a friend doing missions work and then we will have visitors here in Nairobi until the week before we leave to go home. If not, I promise to post soon after I arrive back in the U.S.

Until then, much love- amber

Home For The Holidays-Love and Not so Love

I have now been home for all of 6 days and I am seeing that I appreciate a lot, and don't really appreciate a lot about the states. So here is a short list:

Things I love:
1. It is red cup time at Starbucks.
2. Everything is so easy- it doesn't take forever to get things done.
3. Extremely large bookstores- they are heaven I tell you.
4. Christmas decorations- esp. the tacky ones, I mean at least they make you laugh.
5. Cold weather. Now if it would only snow...
6. Whip cream that comes in a can (is it bad that I spray it directly into my mouth?)
7. Sweaters, scarves, gloves- winter clothes are so much more cuddly.
8. Hot chocolate- it is ten times better here because it is actually cold enough to drink it.
9. Not being stared at- it is so wonderful when you can blend into a crowd.
10. Being present for Holiday traditions- boy did I miss that last year.

Things I don't Love So Much:
1. Holiday traffic- and why do Americans drive so slowly?
2. Everything is too easy- man are we becoming a lazy culture.
3. Christmas, the consumer holiday- the amount of stuff that is in the stores and so useless is gross.
4. Shopping at Target- Target during the holidays may actually be hell on Earth. ( I never thought I would speak badly about Target)
5. T.V. - has it always been this bad and I just hadn't noticed?
6. On a T.V. note- If every manufacturer had to donate 5 cents for every time they told someone that they "need" their product they could prob. feed all the children in a 3rd world country.

I think Alexandria Fuller said it best in her book, Scribbling The Cat, when she said:

"It should not be physically possible to get from the banks of the Pepani River to Wyoming in less than two days, because mentally and emotionally it is impossible. The shock is too much, the contrast too raw. We should sail or swim or walk from Africa, letting little bits of her drop out of us, and gradually, in that way, assimilate the excess and liberties of the States in tiny, incremental sips, maybe touring up through South America and Mexico before trying to stomach the land of the free and the home of the brave."

I couldn't say it better if I tried. This was her reaction after returning from Africa to the States at Christmas time. I don't think the contrast is ever so clear as it is at Christmas. The way it is celebrated in Kenya is miles away from how it is celebrated in the U.S. I came home to be with the people I love, and to experience Christmas like it had been all my life and while I love home and am glad to be with people, I long for Africa already. I long for the simplicity and I hate that the second I step back into this country I get back into some of the patterns of this world. Last year I wrote in my journal at Christmas about how sad I was that I wasn't here, I wonder if this year I'll be writing that I'm sad I'm not there.

Getting Tribal

It's election time here in Kenya and that has brought about a whole mess of things. It is interesting being an American during this time. I am constantly getting emails from out state department reminding me of the danger of living here- they don't say they are sending these emails because it is election time, but you would have to be stupid not to realize it. It is also pretty funny to find myself sitting around discussing Kenyan politics. It is interesting to say the least. We go to work and see MPs in the slums buying votes. We hear the stories of elections past- there is a lot of corruption involved. People die during rallys-who you choose to support can prove deadly. We are just praying for a peaceful election this December.
Here is the thing that has stuck out most to me. I forget just how tribalistic Kenya can be. It has been said that one of the canidates for president is suggesting that people return to whatever area of Kenya their tribe is originally from. You ask people here who they will vote for and the answers are passionate (and sometimes a little heated). The sad part about it is a vast majority of people are not planning on voting for the MP or president that they think will do the best job- they haven't put that much research into it- they are voting for the person who is from their same tribe. I am hearing all of the tribal stereotypes thrown around (Kikuyus, Luos, and Luyhas have plenty to say about each other) and it is just crazy that they can hold so strong to the idea that people don't embody individual characteristics, they are what is said of their tribe. How does that even make sense? The entire idea of tribalism is scarey- it's how genocides start. It is scarey to see how much Kenya has fought against it and worked to become a united nation, but it is still there and it is seeping in even more during election time.
Something else it has me thinking about is American politics. Are we as Americans really that different? I mean of course we don't understand tribalism, but how many people in the U.S. will vote for someone just because they are a member of a certain political party? As the U.S. currently seems to be overly obsessed with it's own coming elections how many people are drawing lines based on religion, color and sex? What is the difference between the people who say they will vote for someone just because he is a Kikuyu and someone saying they will vote for someone just because that person is a woman? Really there isn't much of one in my opinion. Why are we all so much less concerned with who will do the best job and so much more concerned with pushing an agenda? In the end where does that all lead?

Back Again

Back in Kenya and trying to get back in the swing of things. My time at home was awesome. I felt like I had a really good combination of time spent in meetings and time spent with friends and family. I felt like I really got to spend good quality time with people I love. I was in need of a break from Africa and it was perfect. Maybe just a little too short. My fear of culture shock going to America turned out to be unnecessary. There were a few things that drove me bonkers and were a little hard to adjust to but not too much. If nothing else it was a good lesson in learning not to be judgmental. The things that irritated me were mostly typical American attitudes and when I started to judge people for them I realized that 1. It isn’t my place to judge anyone or how they lead their life 2. I am no better. I am the same and have had and still do have a lot of the same attitudes. In the end going home was going home and you are always most comfortable with the familiar.
Kenya hit us as soon as we stepped off the airplane. It felt so strange to be back. Anne and I both can’t just get over how bazaar it is that you can leave on day and wake up the next in a totally different country that seems like a totally different planet. As soon as we tried to make it through the visa line we were hit with our first taste of the Kenyan way of things. Anne tried to pay for her visa with a $50 bill. Well apparently they no longer accept older $50 and they do not take Kenyan shillings (someone please explain this to me- I mean it is the Kenyan National Airport and they don’t take Kenyan money?!) so they made her go and take money out of the ATM (which comes out in shillings) and then take it to an exchange (which charged her a fee) and the come back and pay for her visa- Adding an extra 30 minutes to our exit from the airport. This is the way it is here- nothing is ever easy. We got home and decided to unpack our bags- I honestly think we brought home all of America.
Yesterday I slept until 1:15pm (normally I don’t get jet lag-this time I did). When I woke up Anne and I had to go into town to pay our rent and run a few other errands. I hate going into town. We also had to take a matatu. I hate matatus. I was also so exhausted that I felt like I was walking around in a daze. We went to catch a matatu and as one was pulling away we saw that Nelson (the man that runs the kiosk on our street) was on it. We chased after it and hopped on so we could see him. That was the great part of the day- we got to see some people we hadn’t seen in a while and it was good to see them! Walking around town was another reminder that we were back in Kenya. I almost got hit by four cars. (at one point I was almost squashed in between two matatus) Cars do not stop for people here. The traffic is still crazy and people are still in a hurry. (kind of like Northern VA) Town just wipes me out- I came home ready for a nap- but alas we needed to go the grocery store. When we got home I tried to plug in my computer and ended up blowing our power strip and almost electrocuting myself (thankfully my computer was not affected). It is a constant comedy of errors here!
Last night we also picked up a new roommate. Anne and I have a girl from TFC named Margaret staying with us for the next month. She is going to be helping out at Akiba. It should be pretty funny to try to get her adjusted when we aren’t even adjusted ourselves. I tell you NEVER a dull moment here.

Home vs. Heart

So long time no blog right? After the power surge blew my computer it has been very hard to get the time to actually sit down at a computer and write a blog. Most people who read this are probably getting my monthly updates via email though right?

Anyhoo, my latest thoughts are about my return home in 11 days. Honestly, I have really mixed feelings about the whole thing. On the one hand I am SUPER excited to go home and see my family and friends. I am excited to see things I have missed while being here. On the other hand I am scared I am going to have some crazy culture shock and freak out a bit. I think a lot of things have changed since I have been in Africa- people have moved, gotten married, started having kids, gotten new jobs and I feel like I have missed out on a lot. I also think that I have changed a bit too. I am still the same in may ways, but so different in many ways. I think really differently about a lot of things than I used to. I spend my time differently, I spend my money differently, I see America differently. I don't know if I know how to fit it all into my head. America is my home, but Africa is my heart. Two places that are so totally different, yet equally apart of me. How do you mold the two together to make yourself make sense? I can't explain to people back home what Africa is like any better than I can explain to people in Africa what America is like. The newness of Kenya has warn off and things that were once strange are starting to seem normal to me. The things that still do seem strange to me are so incredibly strange that I can't wrap my brain around them. I don't know if I will really even fit into either culture fully.
Then again, what happens if I get home and I fit so easily back into American culture that I haven't let this last year change me enough? People are coming at me from all different directions telling me so many different things that I don't know what to think. Some people are telling me it is going to be really hard, some people are telling me that everything is going to be fine and I am worrying for nothing. Maybe it will be some where in the middle?
I am also worried that it is going to make it harder to come back to Kenya in September for another year. Yesterday, I put two of my friends on the plane that had been visiting for 10 days to head home. I spent the entire rest of the day in a funk, that still has not warn off. I was sad and I felt lonely. Having these people around me felt like home and when I had to turn back around to my life again without them I realized how much I not only missed them, but how much I missed everyone back home. It has been hard for me to be away from people I love this year and I don't think I fully let it hit me until now. I don't know what that is going to feel like when I have had time with people for a month. I don't really know how I am going to handle all of this and then turn back around and do it again for another year...

Eye Opening...

This past week I had some pretty interesting conversations-
First, my roommate went into Kibera for a lecture being given by a friend of hers at an Anglican center. While she was there she spent time talking with two women who had written a report about Kibera- mostly on women and social aspects. One thing they discussed was the rate of prostitution- which is high in Africa in general, and also pretty high in Kibera itself. During the conversation the price charged by a prostitute within the slum were discussed- it answer made my stomach turn. 20 shillings ( about 28 cents) for sex with a condom, and 50 shillings (about 70 cents) for sex without a condom. I was in total shock. Prostitution in general makes me sad- I think it is awful that some of these women find themselves either so desperate or under the control of a man that they would sell their bodies. The fact they whey charge less than a dollar makes me want to throw up. I can’t even find the words to articulate my thoughts…
The other interesting conversation I had happened last night. We went out two dinner with two friends of our who are Sudanese. Come to find out that they were both part of the Lost Boys of Sudan. They spent dinner telling us about Sudan, about all the wars and fighting, and about their walk. When war fighting began in Sudan they fled to Ethiopia- which they did on foot. They said they thought it took them about a week. Then when fighting broke out in Ethiopia they fled back to the Sudan. Things then again became unsafe their so they fled to Kenya. They walked for over 3 MONTHS to get to Kenya. There were about 16,000 boys making this walk. I can not even begin to imagine this. I mean 3 months?! I can’t imagine fleeing my home and walking to another country. It was pretty incredible to hear their story, see their lives now ( one is finishing University in May, the other is working on his masters degree). Both of them talked about how much hope they have for their country.
Just a few stories to put life into perspective…

Not such a good day...

Today I had my first mugging experience. I was riding a matatu home from the grocery store. I was sitting next to a guy who had a bag on his lap. My roommate was in the seat behind me. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that the guy next to her got up and pushed past her and basically forced her to trade places with him. I looked back because I thought this was a little strange. All of the sudden the guy next to me tries to push past me. We were not anywhere near a stop and the matatu was moving, there was no where for him to go. I couldn't figure out why he was trying to push past me. I looked down at my purse that was sitting in my lap and noticed that the zipper was open. I got nervous and reached in and my wallet was gone. I flipped out. I immediately looked the guy and said, "where is my wallet- give me my wallet back!" I kept yelling, "you stole my wallet, give it back!" At this point he sat back down next to me again. I kept saying give me "my wallet back!" He starts protesting that he doesn't have it and I keep arguing that he does. I turned around to everyone on the matatu and yelled, "He is a thief, he stole my wallet!" Normally yelling thief would cause uproar in Kenya, but no one did anything- they didn't even blink. I was so frustrated, and it was obvious that I wasn't getting my wallet back so I told the driver to pull over and let me out immediately. Luckily there wasn't much in my wallet for him to steal- about $50, some business cards, and my insurance card.

Praise God I had left both my ATM and credit card at home. I had been told that you should be careful when you sit down on a matatu next to someone with a bag. The scam they use is to wait until you are not paying attention and then they slide their bag close to you and slide their hand under it- then you are unable to see their hand. They then will unzip your bag and grab stuff out. You would rarely notice this going on because the matatu is moving and it is bumpy. Honestly more than anything I just felt extremely violated. How can people steal from others? It really made me think hard about something I have come to believe since I have lived here in Kenya. I call it reverse racism. Instead of people hating me or treating me like less of a person because of my color, people here expect that because I am white that I automatically am rich. Now compared to most of them I am, but I am not rich by any means. They also assume that because you are white you should give them money when they ask for it and that you always have the available funds to give them. There is an expectation set because of my color. Some of these thieves even feel that stealing from a white person is better because they have so much money it doesn't matter. I hate it. I hate that because of my color I am looked at as different. I hate that it carries false expectations. I hate that it makes me feel this way, like part of me that never was is now becoming cynical.